With the changing weather, intermittent bouts of cold and heat waves, both grown ups and little ones are falling sick. We live in Mumbai and for a city that is used to a yearlong humid weather with three months of monsoon, the previous month long winter and now, alarmingly high summer temperatures for March; our Mumbai-bodies are clueless on which weather to prepare for!

Seriously though,  the amount of jackets and hoodies we wore in January and February and now since the past week, layers of sunscreen, caps and shorts- the sudden weather change first caught me with a bout of flu, then my husband and now, unfortunately, my little girl too. The doctor says, it’s a heat stroke, essentially, her body’s burning up with fever even though its extremely hot outside.

While we can do nothing about the weather change, here are some tried and tested tips to survive this ever changing climate without losing your sanity and cool:

• Drink Up:  The major cause of any illness is dehydration and when your body is fighting a cough, cold or fever; your body stops craving food and water. It is important to drink lots of water, fresh juices and soups. For your child, I kept giving her Glucon D and Orange juice, even if it was just 10 sips every hour. The external sugar is needed to give some strength to your weak body.
• Rest: For a person, who hates sleeping in and whose child hates sleeping in even more than me; any sickness is the worst period for us as we have to spend a lot of time resting.  Do not give in to your primal urges of sitting and watching TV or reading a book or playing a simple card game; when you’re sick, rest! Rest and sleep, whether you like it or not as that is the need of the hour and the rest will help your body heal faster.
• Don’t Overworry: As a mom, trust me, this is easier than done! When I got a call from my daughter’s school to take her back home as she developed a fever, my mind went into overdrive and I am paranoid with worry, every time she coughs.  However, when the doctor told me this is a seasonal illness and only time and rest will heal her; I tried and honestly I am still trying to ease my worries. Being an over worrier will not help the cause and situation in any way, in fact, you will pass on this stress to your child.

If you are part of a family whose member or child is sick, please give that person some space. While I love my family to bits and I am truly fortunate to have such loving members who want nothing more than to be with me and help me take care of my girl, please don’t overdo it. At times, a mother needs to do what she needs to do and she doesn’t want to be questioned or judged or convinced otherwise about it.

I know my family loves my daughter but honestly, I haven’t spent a single moment alone with her from the moment she fell sick and I just want to take care of her my way. While this could be construed as rude or insensitive, at times, even the most thankful moms need some space.  

So next time you are sick or you know someone’s sick, don’t overdo with worries and concern, let nature take its course, give the parents and the sick person some space and shower them with love, and let them heal by themselves.

Don’t overdo the worry,

Don’t overdo the concern,

Don’t overdo the advice,

Honestly, as too much of anything is bad, even the good things!

When you go visiting a family which has children, the primary instinct is to buy a toy or chocolates for the kid. After all, if the child is happy, the family is happy and it leaves you the  effort of buying something for the other family members. That’s exactly what I did too, until I had a child and everytime relatives and visitors came, my daughter would get a box of chocolates, a soft toy and more. After observing this pattern silently for a couple of months, I had to intervene and tell my family members and relatives visiting us to please stop with the formalities.

It had become a habit where my daughter would expect something for her every time someone came visiting and I knew I had to put an end to this. I know this can be construed by many as rude and arrogant behavior but the truth is, when it comes to laying the rules for my daughter, I am and will always be the decisive maker. 

I have had countless arguments with my husband and other family members as everyone believed I was overreacting a bit too much on small matters like gifts. While I tried making my point clear that it was not the gesture that bothered me but the expectations building in my daughter that I wanted to curb. Instead of appreciating the gifts, it had become a matter-of-fact, obvious ‘ritual’ in greeting people at home and this ‘thankless’ behavior had to be put to a stop. 

Unfortunately, as an only child, my daughter is used to getting everything she wanted. I love to fulfill her small whims and wishes and honestly, like every parent, I want nothing more than making all her dreams come true.  While she was younger, it was still easier to keep a tab on things we purchased for her as she was happy playing with kitchen vessels and a ball pool. 

Now, as she’s growing older and more assertive in her demands, there have been several occasions where I have been swayed by her ‘cute faces’ and ‘please mumma’ and ‘she has it, i don’t have it’ reasons to buy her things which I know she may not use much but wants it momentarily. The eternal parental guilt to try and meet all your child’s expectations is a big problem!

At times, like my husband says, I just don’t know to stop. I try and portray this image of being a strict and tough mother but honestly speaking, I spend the most money on her. I spend all my spare time, planning to buy things for her, have small surprises for her and buy clothes and gifts for her. As a mother, I am a sucker for seeing her smile and her eyes light up when she sees the surprises I plan for her.

However, like every mother, I also want my daughter to be grateful for the things she receives, the life she has and be appreciative for the smaller pleasures in life.  Unlike the life we grew up in, this is a very materialistic world and our kids are never going to be finding pleasure in playing down the society building and eating home made food and cutting a small cake for the birthdays. 

With the changing times, we need to evolve and if that means finding pleasure with children in watching 4D movies in multiplexes and shopping for overpriced toys, then so be it. It is easier to compare, compete and complain wistfully saying  “while we were growing up, we had none of this and now you have so much” but that is just growth that comes with changing times. 

Here are some things I do and we all can do to raise thankful and grateful children:

• Charity: The monthly closet cleanse always flushes out old clothes, worn down shoes, accessories and toys that they have outgrown or got bored of. I make it a point to wash the clothes, toys and shoes and pack it neatly. We then either go to our local children’s orphanage and donate these things or we give to our maids who will always be thankful for our hand-me-downs.
• Cost of Living: For every Rs.1000 spent on frivolous items like toys and accessories, I donate an old item. For every new item in the house, an old item/toy/accessory is replaced.
• Fixed Budget: While I literally would love to buy her the world, I know I don’t want to raise a spoilt brat for a child. When we go shopping for her, I keep a fixed budget and let her make the decision on whatever she would like to buy as long as it fits in that price range. I refuse to spend even Rs.10 over that budget and make it clear that we will never cross that predetermined budget. 
• Thank You Notes: My wardrobe is adorned with notes and cards from my daughter and I absolutely cherish each and every one of them. Every fifteen days, we write letters to each other. It could be something as simple as ‘I love you, my baby girl. I am thankful for you in my life.’ or it could be being thankful for finally getting that new gift or something that you had been wanting for a long time. This makes her think, recollect and appreciate the efforts taken by everyone around her and makes her be grateful for the ‘newest’ thing in her life.

For me, these small things have made a visible change in the way my daughter perceives everything around her. After all, when it is your child, you cannot always say NO to them but the secret to raising healthy children lies in how to make them appreciative and grateful even as you’re saying YES.

Lately, we seem to be having a super busy social life with not just work and regular commitments but a pretty active social life. Every weekend, the whole family has been partying and I mean, PARTY with dance monkey playing loud on the speakers and people bobbing up and down to it for hours. 

After two years of covid and lockdowns, schools and parties have started in earnest, kids and adults are both socializing to their heart’s content and this means, the era of play dates and birthday parties have started again. A kids birthday party is the perfect excuse to show your social standing, have a merry time and stand tall in your social circle. 

While I was growing up in the 90’s, birthday parties meant Monginis cake, potato wafers and delicacies cooked by mom. The paper hats and colorful party streamers were about the only decorations available and now when I think about it, it was so much easier back then.  It did not matter how the house looked or how elaborate a party it was as long as you had these simple prerequisites in order.

And now, I cannot imagine hosting such parties for my daughter. Even when she was still in pre-k, I had hired a party planner to decorate the houses and arrange activities appropriate and fun for the toddlers. The final price tag was still a shocker for hosting a party for 10 toddlers at our home. But, that’s how birthdays are now- we need to plan activities, have perfect return gifts, cut designer cakes and make a child’s birthday an event worth remembering for months to come.

Now, let’s face one factual truth- we like gifts! Actually, we love gifts and the gifts that we give symbolize the image you want to create for yourself. If you set the bar by gifting something very expensive, that is the price range you will have to follow every time. Similarly, if you buy something cheap, that is a reflection on you, as well.

As an earning member and a mother whose child attends a birthday party nearly every weekend, these are some of the best gifts I have received and given till date:

Gift vouchers:  Yes, it sounds painfully boring and kids will not understand how something that comes in an envelope can be of any relevance or fun. But gift vouchers from Amazon, Hamleys, Toys R Us, Crosswords are actually life changing as you are paying for something that the owner actually wants to buy is and is relevant to them. I thoroughly cherish thoughtful vouchers of Rs.1000 rather than spending Rs.2000 on toys and gifts that could be repetitive and not relevant and useful.

Books: From picture books to younger kids, activity books and story books for older kids; books are a thoughtful gift and as an avid reader and writer myself, I doubt books can ever be a waste of money. For gifts for kids under 10 years old, I usually stick to the Dog Man series, Captain Underpant series, Harry Potter and Enid Blyton.

Night Clothes: This is not just a highly personalized and thoughtful gift but extremely useful, as well. Since kids outgrow clothes and their pj’s especially pretty fast, buying clothes a size bigger and gifting them can never be a waste of money.

Art Supplies: If you want to play it safe, the safest bet is buying art boxes, water colors, sketchpens, neon colors, the works which are not just relevant but something kids of all ages need all the time. 

Lunch Boxes: From fancy water bottles to bento boxes, the choices are abundant and you can also opt for a smart and affordable set of bottle and lunch box as per the age group you’re buying for. This paired with insulated lunch bags make a perfect go-to school accessory that will actually be used every single day.

Amusement Park Vouchers: A day pass with a 6 month or 1 year validity to your local amusement park, play area, planetarium and arcade area can also be a great and fun gift for the entire family. 

If you are gifting to somebody close to you or your children, you can also opt for personalized stationery labels, stamp pads, stationery pouches amongst others. They also make for great return gifts when you are catering to a small group of people.

At the end of the day, no matter the price tag behind the gift, the efforts behind choosing the gift reflect your thoughts on them. It doesn’t matter whether you buy something big or small, it is the thought which makes all the difference in the world.

I always heard that girls grow up at a blink of an eye. I mean, I am sure boys do too but girls do tend to get more mature, responsible and have a feisty side much sooner than their boy counterparts. 

As I look at my daughter’s old pictures, I realise how much she matures and grows every few months. One day, she told me, “Mumma, I have deduced that parents are not as grown up as they are shown to be.” Yes, she actually used the word deduced in a sentence but her vocabulary has always been impeccable but what I really wanted to know was what drew her to the conclusion that grown ups are not actually grown up.  She went on to explain that from her astute observation of the grown ups around her, at school, at home and the society in general; our behaviours are generally unpredictable and moody.

As I listened without passing my personal judgment, she believes, the children are much more reliable and predictable. Their needs are driven by security and hunger and are relatively ‘less demanding’ in comparison to the grown ups. This, coming from my 8 year old, who has been loudly hinting out an expensive doll house that cost close to Rs.30,000 for her upcoming birthday!

When I have such conversations with my girl, I realise how observant and street smart kids are these days from a pretty young age. During her toddler years, it was easier to distract her by simply switching on YouTube for her and now, even if her friends are around and the TV is on, a simple shift in my mood or ‘atmosphere’ at home will be met with hundreds of questions. 

It is amazing that even before she turns ten, she is more synced with me than my spouse or my parents. This is probably what a mother-daughter relationship is. And, I never knew what I was missing in life until my daughter was born.

We have always wanted a girl child and I was often told that my daughter will grow up to look like her father and be my ‘mini-me’.  This is the aptest thing I have been told! Undeniably, she looks a lot like my husband but her mannerisms, attitude and personality are a lot similar to me and she amazes and shocks me everyday. 

While at the age of eight, I was not even aware of traveling outside my city and shopping for a new dress beyond Diwali and Birthdays, my girl has traveled extensively across 3 continents and has over 20 pairs of jeans and growing!  This makes me realise how much of a generation change there is even though I am not even 30 years older than she is!

With every new generation that comes, the changes are stark and more prominent than ever before. And while the older generations may pass judgment on whether we are spoiling them, pampering them or giving them too much but  change is imminent and a part of our life.

The lesson to be learnt for us here is that instead of questioning and remarking on the changes that are going to happen with time, let us enjoy the time we have, live each moment to the fullest and simply make the most of the time we have with the people we love. 

There is no harm done in letting your kid eat that extra piece of cake, buying a toy when they want, getting them a dress ‘just because’ as honestly, they grow up at the blink of an eye, we will no longer be in charge of their fashion or lifestyle choices. Let us live our life and dreams through them while we can because honestly, children grow up but parents don’t.

Being a writer, while I have always been good with words, the struggle to connect as a writer who is a parent is what pushed me to start this blog. It’s been nearly eight years of being a mother now and there are no exaggerations when I say that it is a learning experience, every singe day.

Fortunately, being blessed by a supportive family and flexible work hours helped me make the most of my experience as a mother. Fortunately, for me and my husband, we always wanted a girl child and I count every single moment of raising Kayra, my daughter as my biggest blessing in life.

While raising boys comes with its own set of struggles, I feel or probably I am biased when I say this that being a girl mom is a hands-on, constant learning job every single minute. The purpose of this blog was simply to put my struggles, my learnings, my experiences of raising my daughter into words and I am grateful to be recognised for it.

Click here for checking out which other blogs are a part of this informative list of parenting blogs in India.

For some reason, be it in the western world or India, the topic of puberty has always been a touchy one.  When it came to boys becoming men or girls becoming women, the occasions are commemorated in India through festivals. There are villages in the country where these monumental occasions are celebrated as grand as weddings yet the words ‘puberty’, ‘menstruation’, ‘periods’ are never said out loud.

While growing up, I remember I received all my knowledge on menstruation and periods through the sex education class in school and the secret conversations with friends. Despite having two super cool siblings, I don’t remember ever discussing this with them. My parents, already in their 50’s then, belonged to a different generation and never discussed these things with me. 

When I became a parent myself, I knew for certain, I would be as open and free as I could in every aspect of life. I wanted to be the mother who would be approached for every big and small worry, fear and thought in my child’s life.

Probably why, when my three year old pointing at a packet of tampons in our supermarket trolley asked me why was I purchasing diapers for her, I told her the truth. I have never felt embarrassed or ashamed or the need to hide my sanitary napkins in a ‘brown’ bag and I told my daughter that these are napkins which look like diapers and are worn my women like her mother as they become older.

I told her that life was funny that babies have to wear diapers when they are born, women have to wear it every month as they grow up and men and women both wear it sometimes when they get older.  

Obviously, my daughter was pretty clear that she would never need to wear ‘mom diapers’ as she’s toilet trained. Now, at 8, she has a pretty decent understanding of what periods are and she is aware that in a few short years she could start bleeding, it could happen anytime and it is not a reason to panic and worry. 

When I discussed that I had ‘this’ talk with my daughter, my friends were a bit appalled at my progressive behavior.  For some reason, even in 2022, our thinking in these topics seem to be as old fashioned as back in the 1960’s and 70’s.  Even today, the sanitary napkins and tampons are covered with a newspaper or packed in a brown bag before being handed over to you.  The modern men aren’t as modern as we make them out to be.

They can buy a condom with ease but send them out to buy a sanitary napkin, their face turns red. While I can’t do much in changing this regressive behavior, what I could ensure was that my daughter wouldn’t partake in these thoughts.

The times have changed and just as how parenting relations have changed, the way we and our children approach the world have changed too.  My daughter should have full understanding on how her own body works.  It really didn’t make sense to spend lacs on a world-class international education but lying and hiding facts about how her own body works.  Periods, sex, hormones and puberty are a natural human phenomena and every person should have a complete understanding of their own body. 

While she’s too young to understand reproduction and sex, I will definitely educate her on that when she grows older.  No topic is too big or small, embarrassing or not important enough to be discussed with me. 

I always tell my daughter, if a question or a doubt arises in your mind, do not dismiss it. Every seemingly ‘silly’ question matters. 

Let’s practice what we preach. Let’s change with the changing times. And be parents, who set the right message to our kids and the coming generations. 

As I see the rising stack of YA books in my daughter’s shelf, I come to the startling reaction that my baby girl is no longer a baby. She’s just 8 years old but at times, when I hear her thoughts, see her confidently face the world, I am faced with a gut-wrenching dilemma of whether to be proud of the girl she’s becoming or nestle her back to the crook of my arms, going back in time. 

I am all for respecting privacy but when my daughter started writing stuff in her diary that she wasn’t comfortable sharing with me, cool-woman out, mom-mode in! My daughter has diaries hidden in every corner of the house and she digs them out whenever she gets into her thoughtful moments. I have always encouraged her to write her feelings out and respected her privacy enough to not peek into them. 

On one of my spur-of-the-moment cleaning sessions, one of her diaries fell from behind a photo frame and it opened right onto the page that definitely opened my eyes.  There was a list of her friends with the boys they have crushes on.  I don’t think I could ever be prepared to accept that my girl who is not even ten and her friends could have crushes!

To some extent, the blame of this exposure comes on modernity. Even the kid friendly shows and movies these days show princesses and characters having boy friends and girl friends, discussing  the topics of love, marriage, sexuality, divorce and death much more openly than we had ever thought of.  The kids these days are taught about good and bad touches at Kindergarten levels and girl children are taught about periods and puberty even before they are ten year olds.  

Even lyrics of the songs these days talk and discuss love and sexuality quite openly in comparison to even a decade ago.  My daughter has a very limited concept on the definition of love but that doesn’t stop her from singing Taylor Swift’s new songs or following K-pop bands. I can’t forbid her from doing so but what I can do is restricting the use of certain songs/words from her life.  When we listen to songs and I hear words and phrases which are inappropriate, I tell her so. I believe in having open communication and I tell her that while the song/movie is good, there are some words which he/she uses that are for grownups. 

When my daughter asks me to explain her the meaning of certain dialogs and songs which are not appropriate for her age, I do offer her a more PG rated explanation of the same but also tell her that some of these scenes are not for her age group.  When it came to parenting, thankfully, me and my husband are in sync and decided to approach every question and issue with utmost honesty and open communication.  This has worked for us as our daughter is not hesitant to approach us with questions and doubts and has a fair understanding of what’s right and wrong for her. 

Despite my open approach to communication, I know there will always be topics taboo between us and whether I want it or not, this is just how parent-child relationship works.

It does not matter how cool a parent you are, every child knows what can and cannot be discussed with us.  We have to understand and accept that this is not a reflection of our parenting methods. Our children are humans, with minds, feelings and reflective actions of their own, they are always going to hide certain aspects of their personality and life from us just like we do from them and that is okay.

I decided to ‘generally’ voice my opinion that for girls her age, the focus should always be on studying and making friends and becoming a smart and independent girl. I told her how boys and girls can be friends but nothing beyond that until they turn 18.  I expressed how smart and talented and creative her ideas and dreams are, and she should focus on realising all her dreams. I encouraged her to make lots of friends and it was perfectly acceptable to have a boy best friend (which she does) and she should make friends with whoever she wants and not succumb to social pressure.  At this age, the girls are torn in having crushes on their friends but they also do not talk to them as ‘boys are yucky!’  When my daughter told her friends, one of her best friends is a boy, they immediately started teasing her and telling her not to talk to him.  Thankfully, my daughter stood up for herself and expressed that she was allowed to choose her friends and she would like to be friends with both boys and girls.

We cannot shelter our young girls from growing up but what we can work on is ensuring that they are growing up right. 

Young girls are a mystery whose personality keeps changing everyday.  I have a nearly eight year old and lately, there have been so many instances when I feel she’s already a teenager. The changes in these neither teens nearly tweens are so subtle that it is easy to miss the changes if you don’t keep a close watch.

Moreover, with the exposure the girls today have to social media, internet and television from a young age; it is extremely hard to shelter them. As a mother, I want my daughter to be in sync with the changing times without being exposed to the harsh realities, a price that goes hand-in-hand with modernity.

While my daughter may not have a social media account of her own, that hasn’t left her impaired as she expertly navigates content on my Facebook and Instagram handles. The International school that we are paying a steep amount to contributes in the digital knowledge as she’s taught to code, surf and navigate the virtual world while learning the nuances of Math and Science.  Undoubtedly, this is a necessity as the kids today have to be experts in the virtual and the real world. 

What can we do as parents, then? We are torn in drawing a line between what is acceptable and not. Foremost, we have to ensure that the content they are exposed to any devices are kid-safe.  The rising number of lurkers are just waiting for one slip to happen, to target young, naive daughters like ours every single day.  There is no greater task for us as parents to raise kids who are self reliant yet street smart.

Before I became a parent, I had always assumed that I would be a cool mother, a friend and a person whom my child could confide in.  Now, after becoming one, I realise the fine line that I seem to tread on between being a mother and a friend. When I was young, I always used to think that this would be an easy thing to accomplish especially if I have a daughter. The rosy images of mother-daughter duos sharing make up, going on shopping escapades and sharing a laugh as we walk hand-in-hand into the unknown seemed just like it was going to realise in a matter of years when I had my own daughter.  What I didn’t realise then was that being a friend to your own kid is easier said than done. 

While I would love nothing more than giggle and shop and have fun with my wonderful mini-me, I also find myself responsible for how she’s behaving in a social setting. As a parent, the way my child dresses up, talks, socialises and even ‘breathes’ is a direct reflection on the values I’m teaching her.

The child is a direct reflection of the parent and you can never be your child’s friend no matter how much you desire and try.  In the beginning years, I had to parent my daughter to teach her the right from the wrong and as she grew up, I was too ingrained in juggling the role playing the good cop, the bad cop, the teacher, the driver, the doctor, the beautician, the chauffeur and every other role, the moment demanded to ever just be ‘her’ friend. 

And the more I see my child spreading her wings, discovering herself and entering the big world , I realise what I am doing is exactly what I am meant to be doing.  She has ample friends and what she needs is friends of her age group who play, learn and grow vicariously with each other.  She doesn’t need a 30-something woman who is actually her mother being her friend because I can never switch off being a parent to truly be her friend. 

Let us, as parents, go away with the guilt of trying to be multitaskers at everything. Most of the times, all we need to do is just be there, be calm and happy hoping that this positivity and love will translate in raising happy and healthy children.