When my daughter was younger, I used to think as she grew older, it would be easier to take care of her. And today when she is eight, I realize how wrong I was. It doesn’t get easier as the kids grow up and you had more control of your life and theirs when they were still toddling away.
Don’t get me wrong. I love being her mom yet the first year of raising her remains the most difficult period in my life and I doubt I have the physical and emotional capacity to go through it all again.
And now, when she’s standing already at the precipice of preteens, I realize a whole new pandora of parenting is still waiting for me to open.
Here are a few things why I know now being a girl mom is harder:
Periods: While I have taught my daughter about periods, I doubt there’s anything I can say which will make it easier for her when she inevitably has a red spotting in her underwear, cramps and to teach them about properly using tampons and sanitary napkins. In the initial few years, it is best for the girls to use sanitary napkins before switching to tampons and period panties. You can check out my article ‘How to talk to your daughter on periods’ for some tips and helpful advice.
Looks: We live in a shallow world where how we look, dress and carry ourselves manipulate and change the perception for those around us. For every parent and family, their child remains the best. It is a universally accepted fact that for us ‘my daughter and child will be the best, prettiest, cutest, smartest and the most perfect kid in the whole universe.’ My daughter has a dusky skin tone and I have told her from a young age that there will always be people judging you on your looks, skin tone, physique, eating habits, dressing style but what matters is how you respond to it. Last year when a relative commented in front of her on how come her skin tone has not gone on her mother, my daughter retorted back, “Uncle, mumma said, I am dark chocolate while she is milk chocolate. I love dark chocolate.” It is this acceptance and self-love that we need to teach everyone.
Fashion: We went shopping for her birthday a few months back and all I could find for her age groups were crop tops, ribbed jeans, t-shirt dresses, tank tops and I couldn’t help wondering when did this subtle but distinctive change happen and when did young girls start dressing up as teens and grown ups. My daughter at eight itself does not fancy animated and cartoon tops anymore, calling them childish and is drawn to a relatively mature form of dressing. As mothers and parents, we need to set an example by practicing exactly what we are preaching. As girl moms, they observe everything from what clothes we wear, which brands we like, how much make up do we use and how we carry ourselves- and those are standards that they set for themselves too.
Attitude and confidence: Beyond a certain point, it doesn’t matter what you wear, how you look or where you are from if you don’t carry the right attitude and confidence to face the world. While growing up, I faced a lot of bullying and my confidence was never much for most of my life. I didn’t mind being in the shadows but when I had a daughter of my own, I knew I didn’t want her to ever doubt her worth and face every age, everyday and every walk of life brimming with confidence and positivity. Luckily for me, my daughter is a contagiously positive person and this is a quality I cannot encourage enough. I have told her to embrace each day with positivity as that is what will keep away negative people and get her more friends and happiness. There are days of self worth and doubt even at this age but that is where we need to raise them with only positive words, confidence and attitude where they don’t believe anybody but you.
Be it raising girls or boys, it is always going to be a challenge but at at the end of the day all we need to do is love them and give them the strength and confidence to face the world.